The Baer Facts
:
(Well not really the facts but my,
twisted
perspective)
Let me tell ya boys and girls that if you
missed this last weekend at the “House of Power” you missed an
absolutely hot and muggy weekend! The weather was wretchedly hot
and gruesomely humid!
Saturday
saw twenty-four Lil’ Super Compers again rolled into the
friendly confines of Byron drag way. Among the twenty-four this
time were, the Lovely Lacy Rosenberry with Dapper Daddy Don and
the return of the alluring and always charming Mrs. Joel Fritz
(a.k.a. Karla).
Qualifying was led by Alan (No Beer!) Bush, who posted a perfect
8.900 only moments before the legendary Dave Jamison also,
posted a perfect 8.900! Talk about déjà vu all over again!
Saturday, the first round pairings again saw Professor Baer
pairing up with the “Custer Park Comet” Warren Goetsch, as they
staged up: The Professor stomped on the skinny pedal and,…
nothing happened? The motor didn’t come up on the converter? The
yellows flashed and the Comet, well, the Comet was long gone!
Apparently the muggy weather made Old Blue run just a touch too
much on the rich side and caused it to momentarily bog (we
leaned it slightly, made a test pass later and it was fine?) and
for Ben and I that was that.
Also in
the first round, (Well, it’s not all about me!) Slim Jim
Glossen crushed the red lighting (-.007) Kuhn Klan’s hopes;
hottie Cheryl Kolinek used an .019 initiated 8.913 to put away
the always-tough Streator Streak Jeff Spierling (Jeff had an
.018 light himself), Dave Crawford won over a red lighting
Doctor Evil (Ron Smeeton), The Tampico Terror (Randy Etheridge)
snuffed out the Bomber, Joey Fuesting defeated Dale Kramer, Mrs.
Fritz ended Capt’n Pat’s day, Andy must have the knobs twisted
correctly as Gary Jenkins trailered Mr. Schoop. Mr. Jamison also
put in a good effort to end the Kwas brothers’ day; Gentleman
Jim Geokaris ended Wally Pote’s as well. Scotty Phillips used a
.015 light and a 8.915 to defeat the current points leader “The
Chad” and finally Mr. Alan (No Beer!) Bush with his deserved
bye.
As the
second round unfolded The Custer Park Comet used a .005
light/8.954 combination to nudge Dave Jamison under the index,
Cheryl Kolinek ended the other Dave’s (Crawford) day, No Beer
Bush won a great contest over Slim Jim with nearly dead even
teen lights Mr. Bush was closer to the index and first to the
stripe at an 8.975, The easygoing Gary Jenkins compelled the
charismatic Karla (Fritz) to the dark side of the index (8.915
vs. 8.891), Bad Boy Joey Fuesting ran away and hid from a tardy
Tampico Terror and finally Jim Geokaris had a bye as Scotty
Phillips’ cannibalistic power master starter decided to eat it’s
flex plate for lunch.
The
third round of eliminations started off with Allan Bush putting
together a .014 package (.008/8.906) to end Greg Kolinek’s
Girl’s day, Warren using a slight hole shot to force Gentleman
Jim under the index and Bad boy Joey advancing over a barely red
lighting (-.006) Mr. Jenkins.
The
semis saw Joey Fuesting putting together a great .018 / 8.905 to
vanquish Mr. Bush. and The Comet posting a 8.91 on his bye.
This
being the second time these two cars met in a final round this
year, the first time with Kimbra handling the driving chores,
this too looked to be a good one.
But alas
that nasty scarlet stain fell upon the Comet’s side of the
christmas tree handing the win to a deserving Fuesting family!
(To add insult to injury Warren went on to post an 8.90 in
defeat). So once again I have the pleasure of offering
congratulations to Squire Fuesting, His Mom Kim and Dad Bill on
yet another 2008 win!
CONGRATULATIONS: To the
Fuesting Family on their second win of 2008 and Joey’s first
MWSCS Win! Once again, Very Well done Dude!
Sunday:
None
other than President and C.E.O. of Randy’s Truck Repair (The
Terror himself) led Sunday’s qualifying Randy seems, lately to
be able to produce those 8.90’s at will as he posted the only
8.90 of the secession (an 8.907).
Sunday’s
first round saw Warren Goetsch utilizing an 8.904 to end the
.007 too fast Rich Kwas’ quest for a win. Gary Jenkins benefited
from Slim Jim Glosser’s misfortune, the marvelous Miss Kolinek
like wise benefiting from Mr. Mortensen -.001 crimson miscue.
Additionally the always-aggressive Division 3 Champion Mr.
Spierling defeated a quicker leaving but further off the mark
Kimbra Fuesting.
The
first round also saw a brilliant race between Wally and Alan
Bush with Wally winning by .0075 (8.918 vs. 8.929). Next up was
the 1st edition of the Tracy vs. Lacy show but there
was no drama in this one as Lacy got down to business, slapped
.013 light on Miss Diekfuss and never looked back. Then My buddy
Doctor Evil (Ron Smeeton) and Jungle Paula opened a .002 “can of
whoop ass” on an un-suspecting Dave Crawford and Karla Fritz
opened an even more potent (.001!) can of the same on Pat
Lamont. Mikey Kuhn defeated a game Geokaris and Randy had the
bye. And what about the Professor and I? Us? Oh yea for first
round, we drew, Chad Lamont!”! Now some folks would have
considered racing the points leader in the first round a bad
thing, but not the Professor and I. Still smarting after our
last encounter with young Mr. Lamont, in which he defeated us by
a margin of .003 seconds, we relished the opportunity to have a
chance to “kick his butt!” As like before, both Ben and Chad
posted identical 8.907 ETs. But this time it was the Professor
who had a slight hole shot and a small measure of reciprocity.
The
second round unfolded with Doctor Evil crushing Karla’s hopes,
The Tampico Terror defeating the Custer Park Comet on a double
breakout no less, Mr. Spierling defeating Miss Rosenberry, Mr.
Kuhn, dodging a bullet as a quicker leaving Smurfett (Cheryl
Kolinek) gave up the stripe. The Professor used a .003-initiated
8.91 to end Gary Jenkins effort and Ole Wally had the odd lot
bye.
The
third round saw Jeff Spierling ending Randy Etheridge’s bid for
a win, Lorrie Kuhn’s guy Mike benefiting from a Ron Smeeton’s
-.005 red light (Mikey was +. 006 himself) and Mr. Baer using
another 8.91 to force Wally Pote to breakout with an 8.85
The
semis presented us an opportunity for a little retribution on
the Streator Streaker, Jeff Spierling. Ben an I, having been
defeated in a final at Byron earlier this year wanted very much
to return the favor (We also really wanted to race the
Kuhns in the final). When we faced the Spierlings before the
fact was, we were not really ready, we had made some changes to
the car that while they helped consistency they also hurt
reaction times so I wasn’t surprised when he defeated us then.
But this time, things would be different, this time we were
ready. We had made additional changes that retained the
consistency and restored the reaction times back to normal, Old
Blue was running “on the number”, the Professor was “on the
tree”, we had lane choice and the Byron track crew was working
hard to clean up some water oozing up in Jeff’s lane. As they
left the starting line I knew that Ben had “hit the tree” and
indeed he had with a .005 light but, what I didn’t know, was
that he had left second as the talented Mr. Spierling had a
perfect .000 light of his own!
The
Professor crossed the stripe first but took just a little “too
much stripe” as inexplicably Old Blue had somehow actually
picked up some E.T. (at mid track?) and went 8.888! (What da
F#$^k!!!!) handing the win back to Mr. Spierling.
You
know, as much as we (Ben & I) hate losing (and trust me, we
really do hate losing) ya just kind of admire
a guy who walks out on to the track and watches the track crew
use a wet vac to remove the water from his lane walks over
straps in to his race car and cuts a .000 light on yer ass! It
makes it easier to understand just why Jeff’s the current NHRA
div. 3 super comp champion. (He’s one tough racer: “You could
roller skate on him”!)
Just
before the semi’s I threatened that I would publicly (in this
forum no less) question Mike Kuhn’s sexuality if he just “broke
the beam” on his bye!
To his
hairy chest-ed, virile, heterosexual, “Mas Macho” man credit,
he laid down and 8.91 which gave him lane choice for the final.
The
final looked to be a good one as Lorrie and Mike had their
wishful thinking Dodge running on the index and Mike was driving
the wheels off of it but, they still had to deal with the
juggernaut that is Jeff Spierling.
But once
again it was not to be, as Jeff, ” went to the .000 well once
too often” as once again a scarlet pall fell on his side of the
tree giving the win to a very deserving Mike Kuhn and (as it
goes with out saying, a very exhilarated) Lorrie Kuhn!
So, even
though we weren’t in the other lane for the final, It gives me
great satisfaction to once again say:
CONGRATULATIONS: To my
favorite Hoosiers: The Kuhns on their on their first win of
2008 well done!
AWESOME
GUYS, Just AWESOME!
Conspicuous by their absence were, The Cheese heads of Tenuta
and Potillo, The Browns, Jerry and Jackie Fritz, Mikey Lund, the
Reimer guys, the always ominously menacing Ben Wolf and. Diamond
Dave Livesey?! Lets hope they can “get it together” for the next
event at Cordova (I also anticipate seeing the Barsema’s and
Anthony Lane there as they seem to “own the place”)
I regret
to report that Mr. Squeaky, the very annoying horn on
Doctor Evil’s (Ron Smeeton’s) golf cart has been kidnapped or
actually stolen, as he/it doesn’t qualify as a “person”. There
was a note with a photo left in his place showing the restrained
and obviously distressed Mr. Squeaky, the note went on to state,
“Give us $1000,000 or you will never see Mr. Squeaky again!
Signed ”The Blue Dragster Mafia”. An immediate internal
investigation was started and when questioned about their
involvement in the incident both Wally “bag a walnuts” and Da
Bomber responded “Hey we don’t know nuthin about it see and
nobody else knows nuthin about it either”, “We uhm,…. were in….
uhm, church when this alleged unfortunate incident occurred”.
Smeeton immediately started a grassroots effort to raise the
ransom monies but to date he’s $999,999.73 short of his goal.
As a
side note, when Rich Kwas heard from track manager BJ Vangess
that “Ron’s golf cart horn had been stolen he mistakenly thought
that BJ meant Ron Leek’s golf cart horn! At which point
he came very close to having a stroke or at least losing control
of his bodily functions. Needless to say he was greatly relieved
when he came to understand what had actually happened.
The Points
Situation:
For a
while there it looked as if Chad Lamont would run away with the
points deal, but after a couple of tough first round losses this
weekend and the successes of his rivals the Fuesting family and
Warren Goetsch he has seen his points lead dwindle and slip
away. But I don’t think I would count “the Chad” out yet either,
as he trails Warren by less than one round nor would I count out
the Fuesting Family as they are only three round wins out of the
lead and there’s a real possibility of Mr. Spierling winning
this thing too!
I’m also
aware of a quiet unassuming guy from Diamond who’s also more
than capable of making a run at another championship. As to
the top ten, that’s where thing get even more nutty, as nine of
us are battling for the six remaining openings and all of us
separated by just one or two rounds!
Twelve
down, five to go! It’s going to get interesting!
Mo Great Racing, on the best-run
drag strip in the universe, ……….. Once again Great Weather (well
pretty good weather)……… Doctor Evil going rounds, ……..
a change in the points leader………….a Home
boy & those Loveable Hoosiers winning races…………….Da Kwas
returning to his place behind a butterfly steering
wheel…………….Mr. Squeaky “sleeping with the
fishes”………………….Winning three more shiny dimes!!!! (You know who
you are!) ………The Kuhn’s baby granddaughter Lexy saying ………”Good
Yuck Care Bear” and “Go Poppa go!”……….
Do I love it?……Oh
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
The Baer Facts
:
(Well not really the facts but my
perspective)
When I woke up Saturday morning the 12th of July it
was raining and part of me wanted to stay in bed. Then I turned
on the weather channel and for the Chicago area they were
forecasting thunderstorms for most of the day. Shit! This
coupled with the fact the Professor, who is to be his cousin’s
best man, was hosting a bachelor party and wouldn’t be going nor
could our right hand man Ken Messenger (NASCAR tickets?). Well I
almost rolled over and went back to sleep. Then I remembered,
Wait a minute, that weather man’s lucky if he get’s it right
half the time, My old partner and one of my best friends Randy
Fox had agreed to come along and help me (and he’s usually more
fun than a dozen drunk monkeys!) and oh yea I get to drive Old
Blue again! Screw it! Were going! So off in the rain I drove
and by the time I got to Randy Fox’s house the rain had stopped
and by the time we had reached Wisconsin the sun was shining and
the skies were blue (well mostly) Things were looking up!
As Randy (or as I prefer to call him, Cavey,
which is short for Caveman Randy…. to know him, is to love him)
and I arrived at Great lakes Dragway we noticed some standing
water, well actually a lot of standing water. The track owner (I
think it was Drew) requested that we (MWSCS) park in the center
row of the pits in the grassy area but when we looked we
couldn’t find any spots that weren’t actually full of standing
water (which was partially hidden by the tall grass) and after
being asked to move I decided to pit next to Gary Jenkin,s
reasoning that if his monster of a motor home didn’t get stuck
maybe my little one wouldn’t either. But since the grass was too
wet to put the racecar on, we put it on the pavement. So we like
everyone else on our small semi-dry island, we had to work out
of the back of the trailers. The problem was there was about
200’ of pavement next to the useable pit spaces and since the
pavement was actually one of the two roads everyone could use
(the third was under a foot of water) we kept to the side on the
right 4 ‘ so there we sat about eight of us lined up like the
elephants at the circus nose to tail with less than a foot
between us and we actually couldn’t get out of pit spaces unless
the guy in front of you or behind you moved first. Though
comical in appearance it was an example of how well we actually
get along, work together and function as a group.
When we rolled thru the gate and paid our
admission I asked why the tattooed lady hadn’t given me a tech
card to which she replied “Your organization will take care of
that”. Later when they called us up for our first qualifier we
discovered that none of us had been given a tech card and
everyone was hesitant to go ahead without knowing that the track
had a tech card for us. Well right about this time, a knight in
shining white hair and Doogie Houser glasses, a blue MWSCS
shirt, grey shorts and the knobbiest knees you’ve ever seen,
arrived; Yes it was none other than Gene’s little brother Lil’
Richard Kwasiborski who inspired us all with this stirring
speech “Get your asses up there and don’t worry about it!”
and so we did. As it turned out the tattooed lady at the gate
was right after all!
Thanks to a lot of effort by the Great
Lakes Drag Way crew the racetrack and most of the paved pit area
were dried off and the Saturday’s festivities began. Chris
Landcaster qualified #1, but with sixteen Lil compers in
attendance there were no bye runs.
I myself was feeling confident, I was
cutting teen lights and the car was running right on. I drew
Kimbra Fuesting who appears to have a recent case of
redlightitus, only thing is, if she doesn’t red light she
usually whips a .00 something light on your ass, but I was
fortunate enough to have lane choice and of course I put her in
the dreaded right lane so I figured I had a good shot at
defeating her. Kimbra and I both staged nominally, up on the
converter…….. up on the converter….. And finally the yellows
flashed and the red light came on! But it wasn’t Kimbra’s, on no
boys and girls, it was (gasp!) mine? You gotta be shitting me! I
was so dumbfounded; I actually lifted my foot momentarily… shit!
Bottom line, I was -.010 red to the
Charming Miss Kimbra’s -.006 red and the Fuesting clan advanced
to round two with Cavey & I headed to the cooler to drown our
sorrows in some cold Miller Light.
The first round also saw another chapter in
the ‘family feud “ as Capt’n Pat/Ole Dad this time whipped up on
“the Chad “ in another titanic Lamont family race. Gary Jenkins
used an 8.91 to defeat a returning Scott Phillips (more on him
later) The first round also saw the Custer Park Comet (Warren
Goetsch) using a near perfect 8.905 to stop the Tampico Terror.
Ron Smeeton cut a perfect .000 light and gave up the stripe to
Slim Jim Glossen, Diamond Dave likewise giving up the stripe
against Shifty John Schoop, Lil’ Mikey Kuhn winning a “math
quiz” (double breakout) over Ole Wally which got Lorrie jumping
up and down with joy and finally the blue dragster mafia’s last
hope Chris “Da Bomber” Landcaster using an 8.912 to advance over
a very competitive Jessie Smith.
In the second round the Custer Park Comet
won a double break affair over Andy’s buddy the always-affable
Gary Jenkins, Shifty John Schoop took down Slim Jim, Capt’n Pat
ended Delphi Indiana’s Hero’s day (well he’s Lorrie’s hero
anyway) and DaBomber Posting a stout 8.903 after Miss Fuesting
had red lighted.
The semis saw Pat “Taking care of business”
as he ended sentimental favorite Shifty John’s run for the cash
and Mr. Lancaster winning a very close contest over the
always-game Mr. Goetsch.
I had mixed feelings & loyalties before the
final. On the one hand there was a dashingly good looking, grey
bearded, dead sexy, fellow father figure Pat, whom I definitely
can identify with. On the other hand there was Chris. Chris has
not had it easy this year and as the only member of the
blue dragster mafia (BDM) yet to “win one of these things”,
well, I just couldn’t help but pulling for him too! 8.955
seconds later the Bomber completed the deal and became a “made
man” in the eyes of his peers in the BDM. Your first win with
your buddies watching, “Hey it don’t get much sweeter than that
baby!”
CONGRATULATIONS: Chris
Landcaster on his first MWSCS win well done!
Sunday started of with absolutely perfect
weather and more importantly it marked the return of Scott
Phillips to MWSCS competition. Scott was actually there Saturday
too but needed time to figure out his new car and by Sunday he
definitely had as he qualified #1 with a perfect 8.900! and with
the addition of newcomer Tracy Diekfuss that made for 17 cars
and a first round bye. Then, Scott won the 50/50 raffle and with
the beautiful Katy by his side for assistance he was
definitely on a roll!
For Sunday’s first round I had drawn my
buddy (and lesbian rights activist) Ron Smeeton who’s been in a
bit of a sump lately and again I had lane choice and the car was
running on the number so I once again was feeling confident and
as we approached the finish line I noted that I had him covered
by about a car length Yea!!…..ah no…the yellow win light was lit
up on Ron’s side not mine? So as I sat there wondering how I
had lost, I had whacked it once just before the finish line, did
I give up the stripe? ah no way, Ron does MPH faster than I do
but I know I was still ahead at the stripe? I knew I didn’t red
light? Then I see Cavey coming at me on the golf cart and he’s
giving me big thumbs down sign (Tell me something I don’t
know!). Bottom line: I was late on the light (?), picked up
almost .02 in 60’, and ran an 8.85! (Where the F#*%!!! Did that
come from!??) And of course Ron and Jungle Paula advance to
round two. Mr. Baer “please have a seat in the bleachers”.
Also, Sunday’s opening round started out
with yet another LaMont family feud as amazingly Pat and Chad
had once again qualified in a position that would have them in
another first round match up. But this time it wasn’t to be as
Pat’s trusty mount refused to start just prior to the water box
so after backing up and getting out of line and waiting as long
as possible Chad had to make a single. Then it was the Girls’
turn as the lovely Miss Kolinek took on the equally lovely Miss
Diekfuss and her unique small block mopar powered, 23 T altered.
After the burn outs were complete Tracy lit the top one with
Cheryl following suit there after and there they sat and sat and
sat with neither obviously wanting to stage first finally after
eight to ten seconds Tracy lit the second and still Cheryl sat
and sat and finally when we were convinced she would be timed
out, she staged. Then both racers cut .000! Lights and both ran
right on 8.900s it was a contest of unparallel greatness but,……
that’s not what happened, actually both had mediocre lights and
Tracy got loose just past half track and had to lift giving the
victory to Cheryl . But we did have the pleasure of witnessing
the first ever “Blonde Bomb Shell Burn Down” in MWSCS history.
Mr. Goetsch got a little payback on Da
Bomber as he sent the previous night’s winner packing, My lil’
buddy Kimbra went red against Ole Wall, The Tampico Terror
trounced Slim Glossen, Gary Jenkins ended Lorrie Kuhn’s guy’s
day, Diamond Dave left on and inexplicitly again gave up the
stripe to Shifty John Schoop and finally the round ended by Mr.
Phillips with his well deserved first round bye.
The second round saw “The Chad” ending Mr.
Schoop hopes, MWSCS’s answer to Doctor Evil, Rom Smeeton, going
red against Officer Phillips. Cheryl Kolinek’s miss cue with the
trans brake button turned on the crimson mood crusher against
Mr. Jenkins.
Round two also saw Warren Goetsch ending
Randy Etheridge’s dash for the cash. And finally everybody’s pal
Ole Wally with the bye.
In the third round the “Pride of Rochelle”
Mr. Phillips ended Gary’s day, The Custer Park Comet whipped up
on Wally Pote and “The Chad’ had the odd lot single.
The semis saw Mr. Goetsch put and end to
the young Mr. Lamont’s series dominance and Scotty with the bye
just “broke the beam” (I think you already know what I think
about that practice.).
This final too brought up mixed emotions,
On the one hand, There’s Warren who has been having a good year
but, has yet to win one. Warren is a quiet unassuming guy who
never complains, races hard and always gives you his best, a
genuine nice guy, a good racer and has been a good friend to me.
On the other hand, there’s the Cinderella story of Mr. Scott
Phillips who having crashed early in the season, subsequently
worked hard to help the rest of us race, forked out the dough to
buy another car, got it together and got it dialed in qualifying
number one with a perfect 8.900 and winning the 50/50 raffle, he
definitely was a favorite for those of us who like heroic
Hollywood endings. And he did appear to have a lucky horseshoe
suppository and the backing of lovely Katy in his favor. Like I
said, He’s definitely on a roll.
But today, in this final, after a couple of
previous disappointments, Warren Goetsch was not going to be
denied as he slapped a slight hole shot on Scott and ran an
8.905 to seal the deal! So it gives great pleasure to finally
say:
CONGRATULATIONS: The “Custer
Park Comet” Warren Goetsch on his first MWSCS win!
“Excellent!”
But I would be remiss if I didn’t also
congratulate Scotty Phillips on his near perfect triumphant
return to MWSCS competition. Awesome job Scott!
Welcome Back Buddy!
Mo Great Racing, on the wettest drag
strip this side of the swamp buggy races, ……….. Great 78-80
degree Weather (if you don’t count the 6” of rain that fell the
night before!)………….First time winners, winning races………………Blonde
Bomb Shell Burn downs!!! ………………Ya just gotta love it!…… Oh my,
YES!!!!!
See ya
back at Byron!!!!
